It was 4 weeks after I had given birth to my son and I was sitting in the middle of my hallway in a robe pumping while my son was crying, he had just woken up from a nap. My husband wasn't home and I had 10 minutes before I had to be on a call and 15 minutes left to pump. I felt torn between a million things and stuck all at the same time. I sat there and cried for a minute, text my boss that I'd be 10 minutes late then unhooked myself, stood up and went to get my son. My son is now 13 months old and I still feel like this most days trying to navigate being a mom while juggling my full time job, owning a business, my role as a publisher and trying to be a present wife, friend and finding time for my introverted self so I can recover from it all.
Prior to my son being born I had a routine. I got up early, 5am early. I read 20 minutes of personal development, I worked out, I showered and dressed, sat down with coffee and started my day. Today I wake up at the sound of my son stirring and it's non-stop until I hit my pillow that night.
At first I didn't even attempt a morning routine because I struggle when the day doesn't go the way I have it in my head and any parent knows it NEVER goes they way you plan. So to keep from losing my patience or get upset I dropped all routine and expectations (well as much as I could). However, I'm a type-a person and someone juggling what feels like all the things I need structure and routine to keep it all (mostly myself) from falling apart.
A few months ago I attempted to start a routine, my old one of getting up early to meditate, read personal development and write before anyone else is awake. A little down time before the chaos starts. I can count on one hand how many times that panned out. It never failed that Sawyer would wake an hour before I had to be up or two but he wouldn't fall back asleep for an hour. It's that wake up that would kill me. I'd feel worse when the alarm went off an hour later than I did when I was up with him. Probably should have just stayed up. Then there was the times I did wake up but was afraid to get out of bed. We live in a ranch style house built in the 50's with beautiful wood floors that squeak and our sons room is literally touching ours and then the long hallway I have to walk down to get to my office or a room far enough away to not wake him. I swear that kid has mom-radar because he has woken up a few times as I'm attempting to silently walking down the hall. So I stopped attempting it and stayed in bed.
So here I am a month (probably two) later with no routine and I'm struggling. I'm that mom sitting on the floor being pulled in a thousand directions and no answer on what to do but pick herself up and continue through the day and I can't keep going like this.
Yesterday it hit me though. I'm doing this wrong. I'm trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I'm trying to go back to what I used to do and know but that's not my life anymore. I'm still me and I'm still a type-a person who needs some routine and structure but I'm also a mom and I need to fit my needs into that life, not the other way around. So I started asking myself some questions:
What can I do when Sawyer is sleeping?
What can I do when Sawyer is awake?
What requires my detailed attention?
What is routine and can be done without much brain power?
I didn't even realize it but I had already started to make changes a couple weeks ago I started working out again but not in the morning. I do it later in the day around 5 and then I take a walk with my son. I work out while he's a awake because I can involve him and I want him to see me take care of myself. I'd rather work when he sleeps than do something that I can interact with him and an added bonus I'm teaching him about taking care of our bodies. Much better than him thinking mom works all the time. This is also a nice break up of the day.
I know how my brain works - I'm sharper in the morning and throughout the day but then I start to fade. I'm lucky enough that all my jobs are essentially work-from-home (or anywhere as I sit at a coffee shop typing this) which I'm beyond grateful for - this means I can dictate (a decent amount) when things get done. It's time to re-organize how I do things. Tasks that are mindless and don't take much thought need to be moved to later in the day, while those that require time, thought and detailed attention need to occur in the morning and afternoon. Today is my first day putting this to the test and it's going to be an adjustment because I'm essentially shifting the way I've worked my whole life but then again in one day my world also changed and will never be the same.
I'm happy to report back on how this works out. In. the meantime I'd love to hear any tips, tricks, routines, schedules, anything that you have done or has worked for you!
