Initially I had no idea how I was going to do it. I just couldn’t see myself being good at this ever and it seemed insurmountable and I found it crazy that people do this every single day and some are even really good at it.
There are two things in my life that I felt that way about. Improv comedy and parenting. Fortunately for me I just went for it and walked into that improv class. Now jump ahead from that night a little over 10 years ago and I’ve taken on parenting. Lucky for me, all that time spent learning, teaching and performing improv comedy has shown me that it is an art form not just for the stage but also for most every aspect of life. Including parenting. Following the comedy rule of 3’s, here are three ways that improv prepared me for being a parent.
1.Yes, and….
The foundation of improv is “Yes, and….” Meaning whatever reality or idea is first presented on stage is what we are going with and my job is to add a little bit of my own idea to it. Maybe you had an idea or thought that the scene was going to go another way. Now some other ideas have come in the mix and what you thought was going to happen isn’t and you have to figure out how to be in the moment and accept that new information while adding to it. You know who does not care what plans or ideas you had for the day are? The kiddos! I was so nervous and thought the more planned out I had this parenting thing the better things would go. Well, you just can’t plan for everything and sometimes the plan just goes down the drain. But just like on stage, I now realize that all I have to do is accept the reality that I have and go with it. I can’t change the weather, undo a record setting blown out diaper or magically make my son interested in sleeping past 7:30 despite working late the night before. But what I can do is relax and find something indoors to do, clean up that blown out diaper and be a little impressed and I can power through and know that when baby naps so do I.
2. Lean into that failure!
One of the biggest reasons people stay away from improv, and a lot of things in life, is that they are afraid of failure! For some reason people started to get it in their head that failing is not acceptable and to be avoided at all cost. One of my favorite quotes ever is from Nelson Mandela “I never lose. I either win or learn.” And that is the mindset I try to get all my students into. Failure is necessary to succeed and move forward. It’s just a fact of life that no one escapes. We are going to fail. I’m going to fail on stage sometimes and that’s a good thing. But if I fail the same way twice…..well that's all on me then. Same thing goes for parenting. Did I forget to bring the right pacifier? Yes, but I won’t forget it again because a trip without the right nubby is not something you forget ever. Did I buy the wrong size diapers and tried to use one anyway even though it didn’t function the way it should and just made my son look like he was at the tail end of Benjamin Button Disease? I sure did. But you can bet I’m going to always know exactly what size diapers to get and even if I do forget I’m making that drive back to the store for the right ones. Have I ever let my sons clothes sit in the washer for too long and then they get that sour smell that seems to haunt you even after you have washed the clothes a couple more times? Absolutely. But I’m not gonna let that happen again because baby detergent is pricey and if I’m being honest that smell still haunts me.
3. Play!
One of my favorite things about improv, and now parenting, is how much I get to l play! On stage you can be who or whatever you want, wherever you want and whenever you want. As adults we just don’t get to play enough. Our brains need that escape. The world is serious enough as it is and all that seriousness can start to build up. Why wouldn’t you want to escape and play like you did with your friends when you were younger. Now, at least until he is a sassy teen, I have a play pal who is always up for being goofy! Because I had been playing on stage for years before we had our son I slipped right into being silly with him! We playing with blocks today? Great! Lets stack them up and then pretend we are bulldozers and take them all down. Want to just walk around the yard and explore? Love it! Hope you felt like going on a safari today. Bath time? Heck yeah! Hope you’re in the mood for some splashing, bubbles and some really bad bath time freestyle raps! Us playing with our kids lets them know it’s ok to play too. They do what we do, not what we tell them to do.
So there it is folks. My top three ways that improv has helped me be a better parent. Hope some of these ideas help! Remember to “Yes, and….” , lean into that failure and make sure to play!
Clifton Hall is the Co-founder of Asheville Improv Collective (AIC), WNC's only school focused on long-form improvisational comedy. They teach adult and children workshops, classes and camps!
