Sawyer burned his hand on the stove the other day. On my watch.
It was one of those mornings we all had to get up early and out the door. While Clifton was grabbing a shower I decided to make Sawyer eggs for his snack at kids club. Usually I'd have him chill in the living room and watch something on TV while I did this but I've been trying to keep the TV off more so I thought I'd set him up next to me in his kitchen tower to play with his toys while I made his eggs.
I set the eggs in the pan and told him "This is hot baby, don't touch." I cooked up his eggs, turned off the burner and moved the pan to the right of the stove. I walked around his kitchen tower to grab something and just as I made it to the other side I hear him cry out and look over to him holding his hand out to me. I knew immediately what happened. I quickly snatched him up and ran his hand under cold water. Then ran with him to the bedroom to let Clifton know what happened.
I spent the next two hours consoling, comforting and apologizing.
I felt awful.
How could I let that happen?
Why didn't I just have him sit in his highchair and play?
Why didn't I just turn the TV on?
Although he didn't say anything or yell at me I was convinced Clifton was upset with me, thinking the same things.
As the day went on things got better and his hand seemed to bother him less and less. I continued to spoil him, comfort, keep an eye on his hand and text Clifton with updates.
That night Clifton and I talked about the experience from our ends.
His perspective:
He was initially angry as anyone would be (I know I would have been too) when their child is hurt under someone else's watch, even your significant other who you trust implicitly. He quickly realized that he was also being triggered by a 3rd degree burn experience he had when he was a child and instead of projecting that he focused on taking care of our son. He also realized I did something (setting him up in the tower while he cooks) he's done with Sawyer several times and it could have been under his watch as he knows how quickly he moves.
My perspective:
While I was consoling Sawyer there was a large part of me that wanted validation that I hadn't messed up. That this didn't make me a bad mom. I was also very confused how this child of mine who got hurt under my watch wanted ME to console him. I felt very undeserving as I struggle to receive/understand this kind of love. However, I knew that it wasn't about me and I only needed to focus on taking care of him. So I repeatedly pushed those thoughts aside and focused on his needs.
I'm grateful both of us were able to quickly realize what mattered most in this moment and not project our own needs, which could have caused a very hurtful and possibly damaging fight.
Have you had something similar happen to you? How did you and your significant other handle it?
Always,
Dana
