The week before last I was scrolling Instagram and checking out enews because why buy the tabloid when you can just get it for free. I came across a tweet from Piers Morgan, which said "People say I'm too critical of Meghan Markle - but she ditched her family, ditched her Dad, ditched most of her old friends, split Harry from William & has now split him from the Royal Family. I rest my case." in regard to her and Harry stepping down from the Royal family.
Followed by opinion after opinion. Even people I went to high school with had something to say about it.
I'm sorry, did I miss something but are you all related to or close friends with Harry, Meghan, her parents or really anyone of the royal family? Do you know all the ins and outs of their family dynamic other than what you've read/heard in the media?
My own initial thoughts were, good for them, looks like they are setting some much needed boundaries for their family.
People don't like that.
As someone who has been learning to navigate their own boundaries the past few years along with their family, I get it.
Clifton and I were raised in very different ways and had different boundary experiences. Boundaries were set for me (by my mom mostly) but I wasn't given the same courtesy and the first time I set them with her I was 22 years old and it was by accident. Thankfully it worked and allowed the distance I needed. Clifton on the other hand was never taught boundaries and didn't know they needed to be set and only just started setting them three years ago. It has taken therapy and practice for us to set boundaries in our lives and even now we don't always get it right but we keep learning and getting better.
We even do this with our son so that he can confidently grow up fully understanding what his needs are and properly set boundaries with those around him from the start. One of the ways we do this is when we ask our son for kisses, he has three responses - leans his head in for a kiss, "no." or doesn't say anything. If he does anything other than lean his head in we don't give him a kiss. This lets him know that we heard him and respected his choice. We've also talked about not making our son give anyone a hug or kiss goodbye unless he wants to (yes this includes family, even us). We aren't really there yet but we know how we want to approach it when we are. In return we set boundaries with him - currently they're mostly in regards to his safety and him just learning (i.e. not to hit) because he's so young but as he gets older it will change and we'll define those for him as well. Hopefully since we have shown him what it's like to accept them it'll be easy for him to do the same.
Setting boundaries is hard.
Accepting boundaries is hard.
It's even harder when you do it later in life. Clifton and I can't change our pasts to make it easier on ourselves when setting boundaries but we can change how we educate our son and hopefully make it easier for him.
What is your experience with boundaries? Have you set boundaries with others? How did it go? Have you had to accept boundaries from others? How did that feel? Do you teach your children boundaries? How?
Always,
Dana
