Sawyer has been all about dad lately. I'm not going to lie sometimes it's hard. Especially when he's seeking comfort and wants dad instead of me, as I'm usually the one he goes to for comforting. I can't blame him because Clifton is the best dad and so much fun to be around and even more so now compared to mom who has been told to lie low this third trimester. On top of that he's been less affectionate and doesn't lean in when I ask for a kiss. I'm sure it's just a phase and before long he'll be all about me.
Yet even though I know all these things it doesn't make it any easier and I have to be careful and not to project those feelings because I don't want to influence him in any way. Last week I realized how easily it can be to do that and not even notice. I was giving him a yogurt pouch one morning and almost said "Can I have a kiss?" but stopped myself because I didn't want him to think he had to give me a kiss to get a yogurt or create a habit of associating getting something if he gives me a kiss.
I was shocked by how easily we can accidentally (or purposefully) manipulate our children.
Parenting is hard. We're already dealing with tantrums, diaper change fights and getting them to just eat (insert appropriate descriptive for your own child) and for us this is just the beginning of phases like this with many more ahead. It's important that we're aware of our actions - that we're not pushing our own agenda, accidentally being manipulative or letting our unfixed pasts creep in.
In the meantime I'm going to embrace this with my son because as hard as it can be I love the bond the two of them have and clearly my son wants and needs his dad right now. Who am I to deny him of that.
Have you experienced this with your children? How did you handle it? Have you caught yourself before accidentally pushing your own agenda or being manipulative? What have you learned as a parent that was eye opening?
Always,
Dana
